four cities, two weeks --- prague, day 10

our second full day in prague i woke up and didn't know where i was. for me, this is a good sign because it means i've FINALLY relaxed. 

when it dawned on me that i was in PRAGUE and not some suburb of dallas (??? hahaha XD) OH HOW I SMILED PRAGA PRAGUE PRAHA PRAG YOU MAKE ME SO VERY VERY HAPPY

this day was the one we had set aside for THE GREAT CERNY HUNT 2014 (the sculptures are actually not that hard to find, i just like giving things titles so that i can capslock them and give them a date.) one of the pieces was across ole charlie and, wouldn't you know, the tower was open for climbing!

this is a really inexpensive thing to do but, for some reason, not many people knew that you could enter the tower. whatever, less of a crowd! also, the views were fantastic!

here's the tower guard. he's been there FOREVER and has graffiti from the 1800s on his side. we got to be pretty good friends, me and the tower guard because HAHA ONE OF MY BIGGEST FEARS IS HEIGHTS :/

i spent a lot of time in this section listening to the medieval wooden beams creak. (maybe they are not original beams, idk. i just know it was medieval construction.) it was actually kind of nice.

i mean, DON'T GET ME WRONG I TRIED walking around the tower but HAHAHAH BUT NOT FOR LONG RETREAT BACK TO THE GUARD

while i was hanging out being a chickenshit, a father and son climbed up the stairs and mistook me for a ticket inspector. i just nodded to them, waved for them to go through and said "prosím".  maybe i have a job waiting for me in prague??  XD XD XD

ANYWAY the cerny fetus is located near karlova street. i. LOVE. this. SO. MUCH.

here is a detail.

i've left the address in that photo should you want to track it down if/when you are ever in prague. DO go find it. it's even better in person.

leff and i considered dropping by the old jewish cemetery but there were a lot of other people who had had the same idea. also, considering the state of my feet, slightly uneven ground didn't seem too appealing so we skipped it this trip. WE WILL GO BACK NO WORRIES

nearby the cemetery we found our second insult of this trip. HAMBINI

combine it with crobag and you've REALLY got something, YOU HAMBINI CROBAG XD

in marianske square near the hambini you will find the prague municipal library. inside of that building is matej kren's wonderful book sculpture, "idiom". sadly, the gallery section was closed when we were there so here's a blurry, distant picture of it. (better pictures can be seen here.)

OH WE WILL BE GOING BACK TO SEE THAT AS WELL

this whole neighborhood is just exquisite. here're some random buildings. PRAGUE SERIOUSLY HOW ARE YOU SO GORGEOUS MWAH

the next cerny we were intent on finding was in wenceslas square. this required some time on the subway and LUCKY YOU I TOOK PICTURES THIS TIME god it is SO AMAZING

and so are a lot of the buildings in the square! here is a hotel that leff and i briefly considered purely for decorative reasons.

the wenceslas cerny is located in a shopping center slightly diagonal from the official wenceslas equestrian sculpture. funny, the other people who were in the center with us DID NOT EVEN NOTICE IT UNTIL LEFF AND I STARTED LAUGHING AND TAKING PICTURES

people, COME ON BE AWARE OF YOUR SURROUNDING, K? it would have been a pity to miss this cerny particularly since this is just outside.

christ, i love cerny. (i wish we had been able to see the middle finger!)

anyway, we hung out in wenceslas square for a bit, debating whether or not to get a deep fried cheese and mayo sandwich (the decision was "no", for the record.)

before heading to another subway station SO BEAUTIFUL

this one took us to a plaza that was so cccp looking that i immediately had this stupid fucking scorpions song stuck in my head. (NO REASON REALLY (god, i am so old)) leff swears i didn't whistle BUT I FELT LIKE I DID  ugh

ANYWAY you can kinda sorta if you squint really hard see the cerny crawling babies on the tv tower.

after a quick stop in a grocery store where i set off the alarm (cannot take me ANYWHERE) we arrived at our true destination, MUNICIPAL HOUSE

CAN YOU BELIEVE THE NOUVEAU ?!?!?

get this, they have a cafe and they will let people like me and leff inside to have coffee CAN YOU BELIEVE IT you weren't supposed to take pictures but leff did anyway. here are some of his photos:

I MEAN WHUUUUUUT HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE WHY IS THERE NOT A HUGE LEVY TO ENTER THIS CAFE IT. IS. SO. BEAUTIFUL AND LUSH and the coffee's good too.

we weren't finished with cafes though OH NO WE STILL HAD TO GO TO CAFE IMPERIAL click that link. look at that opulence IN A CAFE got it? hahahah NOW WE CAN CONTINUE

leff got lunch but i got a carlsbad coffee BECAUSE carlsbad coffee has BECHEROVKA IN IT

that coffee was SO GOOD (so was that chocolate truffle I DIE) and i got fairly tipsy because i'd only had breakfast. NO WORRIES THOUGH HOW CAN YOU WORRY WHEN YOU ARE SITTING IN THIS PLACE

SERIOUSLY PRAGUE YOU MAKE ME CAPSLOCK SO BLOODY MUCH

we saw a protest? a march? i am not sure? on most legii (you have to embiggen and then squint. sorry, it's a terrible picture.)

OH  also, i got postcard stamps from one of the newstands. MUCHA I WISH WE HAD MUCHA STAMPS IN THE US

i think leff and i took another nap. (prague was about leisure.) BUT that night, we took the funicular (haha henceforth known as "the funcooker") to petrin hill.

petrin hill probably makes more sense during the daytime when things are open. still, the views from here were exceptional (even if none of my photos came out) and they have this weird little mini eiffel tower.

for continuity's sake, i took an upskirt photo of it. (well, as upskirt as you could get at this particular eiffel.)

oh yes! here's what the transportation ticket machines look like. once you purchase a ticket, it is good on the funicular/funcooker, trams, buses AND subway! there's really no need to get more than a 24 hour pass at a time. (and you can get a pass for just 30 minutes!) 24 hour passes are valid for 24 hours FROM THE TIME OF VALIDATION so, it is a REALLY good deal!

short rest and then it was time for dinner. we had planned on going to the cafe that kafka and einstein had haunted but the opera (i think??) had just let out and we didn't stand a ghost of a chance of eating in less than two hours.

instead, we opted for cafe slavia. I AM GLAD THAT WE DID

here's leff's pork neck in the foreground and my beef in cream sauce in the back. both of these things were INCREDIBLE.

i'm not kidding you. while i would not want to eat things that are this rich EVERY day if i could be guaranteed this quality of meal when i dined out, I MIGHT STOP COOKING. man. MAN OH FREAKIN MAN it was like seeing fireworks.

oh, wait, we did. BWAHAHAH

SERIOUSLY PRAGUE I MEAN IT YOU DON'T HAVE TO KEEP DOING THIS PRAGUE I AM ALREADY IN LOVE WITH YOU OK

TOMORROW ON RAKKA AND LEFF LEAVE PRAGUE AND HEAD TO AMSTERDAM:  We leave prague and head to amsterdam. OMG WHY WHY WHYYYYYYYYYY WE BOTH LOVED PRAGUE SOOO MUCH BUT FIRST a nice leisurely walk around PRAHA 5, we find a british grocery store, AND THEN LEFF HAS A SLIGHT MEDICAL EMERGENCY D: D: (don't fret, everything ended up being ok) we fly easy jet for the first time AND IT WAS FINE AND ALSO amsterdam is difficult to navigate at night if you are night blind and don't know where you are headed. CHECK BACK TOMORROW IF YOU AMSTERCAN 

four cities, two weeks --- prague, days 8 and 9

every city seems to have its animal. berlin's is, naturally, a bear. every time leff and i saw one of these we would raise our hands and say "i dunno! i'm a bear!" because of the wonderful bim. (see also:  "what even is my life, right now?")

but it was auf wiedersehen, germany and AHOJ, CZECH REPUBLIC as this particular morning we had two tickets on the early europa-spezial! FOUR HOURS OF NOT WALKING BLISSBLISSBLISS

this train winds through some very scenic territory. you think you're going to get tired of awesome mountain villages YOU NEVER GET TIRED OF AWESOME MOUNTAIN VILLAGES

since the czech republic is part of the schengen area, there was no passport control. you realized you were in a new country because the architecture changed. also, the announcements and train station signs were in czech. 

not gonna' lie to you, i was SO EXCITED to be going to prague. i was a cold war kid, right? I WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE ALLOWED OVER THE BORDER I'VE GOT THE WRONG PASSPORT HAHAHAH i'm such a loon. 

this was our first view of prague station.

inside, it's really very nice with a stained glass dome and etc but i have no pictures, sorry. i was having a hard enough time trying to find appropriate coinage for the pay toilets. HAHAHhahah :/ AND THEN we had some crossed wires and ended up not finding our driver PLUS there were some sketch dudes starting to mill around (luggage. we take so little of it but it still makes you vunerable/an obvious target. grrr) so i said FUCK IT WE ARE TAKING THE SUBWAY and marched over to the info booth where the WONDERFUL EXTREMELY HELPFUL LADY sold me two tickets, confirmed that we had to validate them in the yellow machine and gave me a map. THANK YOU PRAGUE FOR HAVING SUCH FANTASTIC INFO BOOTH EMPLOYEES

so yeah, it was red line hlavni nadrazi to muzeum, transfer to green line, then two stops to staromestska. EASY about three blocks and a gauntlet run across the EXTREMELY crowded charles bridge CHARLES BRIDGE!!!!!!!! and THIS IS WHAT WE SAW

you guys. this view. THIS VIEW. I WAS SITTING UP IN BED WHEN I TOOK THIS MOVIE

(this was our hotel and i am telling you IT'S INCREDIBLE. book three months out, GET YOUR ASS OVER THERE breakfast is included AND IT IS VERY VERY GOOD! staff is sooooooooo, SOOOO exceptional as well. BEST. HOTEL. EVAR!! WE HAD A HALLWAY IN OUR ROOM A HALLWAY i still can't even with this place.)

leff and i had been running full stop for about a week at this point so we did what every short circuiting, overloading person does. we took a nap. and when we woke up, the moon was rising over charles bridge.

my feet. MY FEET I DID NOT RECOGNIZE MY FEET couldn't see my ankle bones! D: D: so leff went on his own to find food. ON VALENTINE'S DAY. IN PRAGUE ON VALENTINE'S DAY

god, you guys. just. it was SO CROWDED. leff said the old town square was SWAMPED with couples being all weird. BUT he found a place that sold apfelstrudel and some other meaty pastry thing AND IT WAS SO GOOD THANK YOU LEFF FOR BRAVING THE WEIRDOS YOU ARE THE GREATEST

the next morning. leff and i agreed before we left the states that we would need to get up very early one morning to see charles bridge when, in his words, "it's not flooded with motherfuckers". i think it was a wise decision, don't you?

i fell hard for karluv most. WHO DOESN'T by the end of our time here, i was calling it "charlie", we were on such good terms. IT WAS THE BRIDGE WITH THE MOST GEDDIT A CZECH BRIDGE IS A MOST HAHAHhahhah that's pretty much my only czech language joke. :/

so, hey. if you're gonna' touch the st john of nepomuk bronzes for luck, make sure to do it with your left hand.

otherwise NULL AND VOID (or not.)

karlova street. in the morning, this place is empty. leff tells me that it gets very crowded and horrible at other times though. (he's telling the truth. at one point we cut through an arcade (entrance on right in this photo) to avoid crowds and i danced/sang along to "call me maybe". FINGER GUNS MAY HAVE BEEN UTILIZED i am nothing if not camp.)

but back to the splendor. IT IS *SO* SPLENDOROUS THERE IS NO OTHER ADJECTIVE

these little maze-y streets

will eventually lead you to old town square.

while i was never at the astronomical clock on the hour when all the bells and whistles happen, it was still SO IMPRESSIVE

and then, you look in the other direction and there is this

with jan hus standing watch over everything.  it DID NOT seem real. i kept having to (figuratively) pinch myself. how had i POSSIBLY been able to make it to prague??

but i had. oh, had i ever.

and i bloody double hearted every damn minute of it!

with early morning sightseeing completed, it was time for breakfast! SEE WHAT I MEAN ABOUT THIS BREAKFAST THERE ARE VEGETABLES AND WHITE SAUSAGES WITH HORSERADISHY MUSTARD AND DARK CHEWY BREAD BREEEEEEEEEEADDDDD

AND WE ATE IT IN THIS VAULTED ROOM!!!

hahahhahahaha. prague. seriously, prague. HOW ARE YOU SO BEAUTIFUL PRAGUE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU IS JUST PHWAR I LOVE YOU

i had overdone the walking that morning so i had to rest my feet again. (VERY MUCH RELATED--i have a serious question:  why are there so few water fountains in europe? i usually have a refillable bottle with me but HAHAH WATER X 2 EVERYWHERE BUT NOT A DROP TO DRINK AMIRITE I AM SORITE and i was massively dehydrated during most of this trip. pro tip:  you can spot the americans in europe very easily-- THEY ARE THE ONES DESPERATELY GULPING VERY LARGE BOTTLES OF WATER LIKE THEY ARE DYING

but seriously, water at stores/restaurants/bars/hotels only unless i'm missing something (that is entirely possible))

ANYWAY, since i was in for a while, i put our house in order.  it was at this point in the trip where i started saying COINCOIN. no reason.

leff went adventuring since his feet were fine. he brought back lunch!!!

AND most importantly, the knowledge of TWO CERNY SCULPTURES! how could i possibly stay in the hotel any longer? CERNY WAS ONE OF OUR MAIN REASONS FOR BEING IN PRAGUE

the pissing guys are located at the kafka museum.

you used to be able to text a message to them that they would then piss (i was going to text "glitter" YOU KNOW BECAUSE OF THIS HERE BLOG HAHhaha :/) but the number is no longer on the statue. ah, well. it was still a really great piece.

also in kafka museum courtyard is the double k. leff took a picture of me standing between these two (as my real name starts with "k") BUT YOU WILL NEVER SEE IT

a word with you derivative shitheads. CAN YOU FUCKING STOP DOING THIS IT'S NOT ORIGINAL IT IS FUCKING LAME

also, if you have to proclaim your relationship in this way, chances are it's going to be over before you can even finish clicking the fucking lock. dumbasses.

ah, the second cerny of the day! these babies are located near museum kampa.

they are very popular so it is hard to get a picture of them without other people in the shot. sorry. just know that there are three of them and that they are great!

also nearby are the cracking art group's penguins.

these are illuminated at night, as you will see in a bit.

we did not go to kampa as i was ABSOLUTELY MUSEUMED OUT you didn't think that was possible, did you? HAHA IT IS still, we visited the courtyard.

I DID NOT KEEP THIS GUY HANGING HIGH FIVE LITTLE DUDE

i have not fallen so much in love with a city since london. and i am not kidding you when i say that it is virtually impossible to take a bad picture of prague.

this is HANDS DOWN my favorite tag of this trip.

ok, no, maybe this one is.

we wandered around for hours, stopping in parks, watching people and their dogs. just generally absorbing as much of praha 1 as we could.

before heading back to the hotel area for some grub. see, told you the penguins were illuminated at night.

i was also fairly lit up as well. CZECH BEER I LOVE YOU

TOMORROW ON RAKKA AND LEFF CONTINUE TO FALL HEAD OVER HEELS IN LOVE WITH PRAGUE:  we go on the hunt for MORE CERNYS, THE TOP OF CHARLES BRIDGE TOWER, even MORE SUBWAY STATIONS EVERY ART DECO CAFE IN THE CITY PLUS I KEEP FORGETTING THE NAME OF THE FUNICULAR AND JUST CALL IT THE FUN COOKER CZECH BACK CHECK BACK hahah now THAT is the only other czech language joke i have. :/