Saturday, October 29, 2011

saturday stunt blog: the twits

what's this? a revolting recipe*on a saturday? told you you'd see more roald dahl sooner than you'd think.

there were three entries for the twits in the dahl cookbook, bird pie, wormy spaghetti and twit beard food (which i renamed "twit head" (i'm sure you're not surprised by that.)). i'll tackle them in that order.

sooo, bird pie! pretty tasty! and, like a pie that michael mentioned to me about a month ago, it had bird feet sticking out of it.

the cookbook, thankfully, didn't suggest sticking real bird feet into pastry (because, no). instead it opted for pipe cleaners. see, that would be a great idea if i lived somewhere where i could purchase things like pipe cleaners but you know what the seattle area is like. yeah, devoid of personality. oops! i mean, it won't ever give you what you need! my workaround was stick candy (which begs the question, why can i find stick candy but not pipe cleaners?!)

and japanese candy paste that chotda had sent to me from guam.

the rest of the pie was fairly straightforward. i made a pastry dough instead of using puff pastry but whatevs. (it was really 'cause i was broke not 'cause i was trying to be all fancy and shit.)

i even added a little pastry worm to follow through on concept. awwww. here it is prebaking

and after about 30 minutes in a 400 degree F/roughly 205 C oven.

the worm is much cuter than the feet, imho.

it also tasted better 'cause, bleah, meaty candy.

i have to confess. i cheated with the wormy spaghetti. there's a tasty sounding sauce in the book but, honestly, i couldn't be arsed.

i did grate the cheese and carrot though so that's something, right?

another substitution? dyed green spaghetti instead of spinach spaghetti. 'cause, jesus christ, you would think  you could find damn vegetable pasta in a supposedly health conscious part of the country, wouldn't you? you would be wrong. (i am rolling my eyes so far back in my head that i can see last week.)

but i digress. let's finish off this post with a twit head. i made it a little too small because i wasn't expecting anyone to eat this. i mean, mashed potatoes,

mushrooms, bread crusts, boiled egg, jalapeno

capers, smoked turkey sausage, pretzel sticks, chow mein noodles, peas, cheese, corn flakes and lumps of white bread teeth? uh, pass.

it does look sort of like martin clunes as the wolf man though so i don't regret making it.

next time on roald dahl stunt blogging:  we finish with a bang on halloween with all of the charlie and the chocolate factory recipes! CANDY, BITCHES!!

*links will take you to amazon. i am an amazon affiliate. should you purchase the twits or roald dahl's revolting recipes through these links, i will receive monetary compensation.

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